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Gord

2022-12-09 03:01 am
In his future he sees tired coughing,
The seer mundane usually finds nothing,
Only peering back upon seared meat,
Apparently to be, or feel something.

In his mind, he wishes to be someone,
See his sums upped, feel unusual.
He is detached, however, like Buddha,
But he has an even broader usage.

Once again he peers into the ether,
He sees himself equal and decent,
Sears at the breathing creature,
Fears his lack of freedom.
"Coward", he screams,
"Coward", he casts his disease.
Pulls from inside himself, meaning.

He sees his reflection again in the mirror, 
Breathing heavily into the air, at first,
But eventually he cried with realization.

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Gord

2022-11-25 08:44 pm
As the fists hits the pavement, he changes
'Ignorance' he cries as he flails.
He denies what he feels and streams cable,
Internet and escapes what is real.
He is afraid of it, greatness, fame,
So he spends a lifetime playing.

C minors and B major, sustain,
Weeks later he liberates them,
Showing what a monster can be.

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Gord

2022-08-22 06:51 am
I can't fly, I buy a plane, afraid,
Is it I, or the world that changed?
Doing, but why? Moon in the sky,
The music has died away:
Civilized, civil eyes describe,
My cymbals, rides and chains.
Time changes, I stay behind, afraid,
I can't fly, I can't buy a plane,
Or move to a space in my mind,
Tiny place, stimuli, to hide my pain.
Like shrines to a saint, myself,
I can overprice, play faces like chess,
Trite, then replace with tech.
In my camp by the lake,
Water arrests the trees.
Wolf, that tames itself,
Realizes little of anyone else,
Sees no bigger dreams,
Eats the best, but what for me?

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psyaviah

2021-12-07 08:53 am
Winters of sleep,
a white canvas,
broken dreams,
cut sharp like shards of glass.

Day-blush,
but graceless
eyes wide opened,
anxious and helpless.

Raindrops on the glass,
hangover, reality, facts,
as the window cracks,
distant memories of what once was.

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Gord

2021-11-26 05:13 am
A horn right where the heart is,
A horn is where we started,
Beasts of a Godhead, snort,
What else would they know?

Seven heads, Seven hills, a woman sits,
Fearing what we couldn't fix is still amiss,
On top of the hill, one digests the hits,
The house my father built is sticks.

This calls for a mind with wisdom,
Or A horn right where the heart is.
For economics, For a little longer,
For when they finally got it,
The realization, it was violent.

Then floods, then nothing.

No foundation to stand on,
I must found myself, found my call,
But the houses my father built are gone.

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Soulwolf31

2021-07-27 11:38 pm
As she floated through the air
She looked down on all she loved as if she didnt have a care
Death betrayal and pain
All emotions that drove her insane
Her legacy she wants to instill in all to be better than most
Now she is her own worse ghost
You see she always did the opposite of all she said
To her but not most her most valued  accomplishment  is that she is dead
She was jugde by all as she tried to stand her grounds and be true to the morals she set
As there stare grew bolder and there words direct and hateful she felt death was her only bet
So she closed her eyes took the blade and stabbed herself in the chest
Praying that god knew her heart best
As the blood oozes from her white shirt all she feel is relief 
And now that shes gone she leaves thoses she loved with her beliefs
Everyday she graced this earth with her present she was haunted by her memories that was drowing her in a sea of tear
Her biggest regret is not that she lived but that she lived her life in fear 
As her body was lifed to the ceiling the darkness that once ironically consumesd her was replace with a light
And as she moved closer to the light it became so bright
There was a voice that she had heard many times beore
Telling her this wasn't the end and choose the other door
She heard the message loud and clear and vowed to do right 
And even on her darkest day she remain true to the light 
Because on that faithful day she died she really literary died however was born again
Not to live a life of hell but to do her best and at the end of her road know that when darkness and despair set in  she will always win

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Monet

2021-07-27 02:50 pm
“Don’t let me down”, now that’s a foolish way of thinking 
Response of confirmation, actions not in agreement 
Not very much Redeeming 
Like Pandora’s box you’re seeming

Like bullets to the chest, I’m barely breathing
Confused and in distress, was I deceived? and
Was I deceiving?

Were you mistaken by my distance and a lack of trust was formed

Or was my token of your trust misplaced in your corrupted life form?

Are you a demon?

But you weren’t demeaning.

You boost me up, 
Above the ceiling was my love

Like, not love, allow me to clarify
Was different, real connection
But anything more than that I inform you, I deny

And now I cry

Mine, your were not but all of you was with me
Or maybe me with you, that’s where I get confused
Mistaken thinking

Time, as more comes, you will fade
At least that what my research say
But I swear to god, my image of you gets imprinted on me more and more as I survive the day

Leave me alone
I don’t want you here to stay

Memories in my bone 
Fractured when I lay 

Fractured when I wake

Fractured me in my waist

Oh what a waste

A waste of my fight when all I care to take is flight
All I care is me and you changed that habit
Is that what lies are like?
Is the purpose damage?

If so you succeed because I’m more than done
I’ve lost my sun
Although it’s reflection on the moon is a pretty replica
You set me up
Trojan horse 
You lift me up
And when things got good you sat me down
Let me frown
Although I hide, that feelings sound
That feelings loud
Those thoughts clear 
These eyes hold tears
Those drops aren’t mild
Neither were my fears

So clear Ill steer for now
Others won’t be allowed
My voice won’t speak aloud
Not truth nor words of deep
Only traps for the weak, ones I couldn’t put out
They were from your slope
Your dope became my cloud
I guess it’s, both, hello and goodbye for now.

If only I knew before, how much you’d let me down.

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Lexi Holcomb

2021-05-24 03:51 am
It is far better to dry the ocean
and be at the bottom of the sandy sea
than it is to rage against the tides

hopeless, yet aimless, waiting for solace
you fight, you splash, you scream
only to be treading water for hours

while you could have gotten a towel
and then started drying the waters
taking a while. But as the level lowers,

and as you realize you're drowning either way,
it was far better to aim for the sand
that it would have been to rage against the tide

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Gord

2021-05-03 02:19 am
Ire infinite, by ignorance 
Life is not made by appearances,
Science fiction or analyzing images.
Ironic it should be so definite:
Want of intelligence, talking skeleton,
In the end an experiment of my own.

Wind instrument requiring discipline:
With a single word thy kingdom learnt,
Like a little tiny recumbent bicycle,
Not even big enough for one person,
For certain, mine is life livable,
But is the danger really worth it?

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Knoble Kaller

2021-02-05 02:00 am
They met like the first time rainbow met sun shower, wave met sandy seashore, and heart met Cupid’s arrow. They laughed like the first time green eyes gazed brown, sunup chased sundown, and chuckles met deep frown. They learned about foreign subjects on local soil, shared time in familiar toil, and explored how their lives could coil. They wondered how we two could meet and find their feet and live to eat and rinse repeat and begin again and keep the peace for family sake.

She touched my heart with smile on face depositing hope of our loves deep embrace. Unlocking a gate of emotions oppressed from that bygone time cloaked in cynicism and hate. She used her power applied her grace revealing a world where nothing waits and the weak grow strong those loved and displaced. Then together we pledged to always be true to all that matters to me and to you and to guard this ethereal space. 

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Innasense

2020-12-28 09:42 pm
Obsessions 

What power you hold over me...
Every action, every thought 
Is just a push in your direction 
Feeding into the obsessions, 
Lost connections, misdirections, 
Absolutely positively coerced into these affections 
By a brain constantly seeking tiny moments of perfection. 

Though you kind of must admire this curation of adoration, 
All the mental efforts required to keep up the constant cultivation 
Of this undisturbed fixation, 
The impropriety and distraction 
of a single-minded meditation, 
All these mind-numbing, pacing, 
clock-like rotations 
Theoretically leading this obsessive mind to pure elation, 
The uninhibited fruits 
of this persistent dedication. 
Happy sighs and exhalations...

But then...
The sobering realization 
That somehow life existed 
before this shrine’s erection
And perhaps the cracks start to show, 
Unexpected but apparent imperfections, 
Initially denied and resolutely rejected, 
The shattered shards of a crystal ball that disagrees with my projections, 
The deflation, depletion, extortion
Of my vexation, 
Maybe leading to complete and utter exoneration... 
The disintegration of my fascination. 
Maybe someday...

But for now I prefer to float in my comforting contemplations, 
Giving in to the infatuation, 
These happy delusions 
of my mind’s incarceration. 
And if the worst this should cause is 
These false exhilarations, 
Then I shall stay here for a while 
And enjoy the scintillating sensations 
Of my obsessive ruminations. 

A
Temporary
Salvation. 

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Innasense

2020-10-13 04:48 pm
If you Really Saw Me

What would you do if I told you all my secrets? 
The ones pulled from deepest trenches, darkest corners.
Scraped them like the drippings of my innermost self 
Onto your proverbial plate

Would you push them all back? 
Demand a reverse regurgitation  
Of all that was ugly in me
And pretend you never saw 

Would you sift through my soul?
Stir a fork through all that is me, 
Looking for the parts you can use, 
Discarding the rest 

Would you shatter the plate against the wall?
Shards of me on display for all to see, 
Lay me bare in front of the eyes of the world 
And laugh at the tears streaming red down my face 

Or would you love me just the same?
As my inner enigma bleeds over the porcelain edges
As you see all the sides unseen 
Would you smile at my uncloseted skeletons? 
Would you hold my empty vessel self 
and fill me with the light, 
the love, 
my soul needs?

What would you do if I told you all my secrets?

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Innasense

2020-10-10 09:54 pm
Warning: this is looooooong and if you’re a sensitive individual the first parts may bother you. But hopefully the last part will inspire you. Speak your truths friends. The ones who matter will love you all the harder. #worldmentalhealthday

Hidden Stories 

They smiled, jokingly told her 
she looked tired, 
“Must’ve partied hard last night.”
Smile quietly returned, 
“just didn’t sleep too well I guess.”
She didn’t tell them how hard it was to get out of bed this morning, 
How sleep never came last night, 
How it felt like the darkness would just swallow her whole, 
How she felt hollow and empty 
and there weren’t any tears left, 
just an ache deep within 
that wouldn’t subside. 
And maybe if she just squeezed her eyes shut and stayed in that bed 
in the blacked out void, 
She wouldn’t have to face another day of faked smiles and “I’m ok” lies. 
“Just tired today I guess.”

“It’s warm today man!” 
“What’s with the long sleeves all the time?”
“Got some crazy tattoos under there?” 
He smiled, laughed along with them, 
Self-consciously ran his hands 
over his wrists. 
Over the bandages binding his secrets.
They didn’t know how close he got last night, how he almost let go, 
How so much blood, HIS blood 
swirled down the drain, 
mixing with his tears. 
He was sure no one would miss him, but he wondered if he would miss this world, 
And the good days out in the sun, 
Few and far between as they were.
What would they say if he were gone tomorrow?

“You should’ve come out with us last night. You would’ve had so much fun...”
She nodded and made those
“next time” promises, 
though she knew they were lies. 
She’d stay home again, 
Wrapped in the icy grips of loneliness, 
Which felt somehow better 
than her burning cheeks 
when the right words just wouldn’t come, or the wrong ones spilled out, 
and she felt their eyes on her,
Panic rising, thoughts frozen
Wishing she’d just stayed home, 
Away from the judgement, 
And all the wrong moves she always made

“Haven’t seen you around in a while! Doing ok?” 
His mouth smiled, head nodded, 
lips formed words he’d said so often, automatic. 
Because, really, he thought, 
How could I describe 
that moment last night, 
body curled up with forehead cold 
against the kitchen floor, 
Ears covered to block out the voices, 
Silent screams wracking his body as the panic overwhelmed him, 
No breath to speak, 
And who could he call anyway, 
How would he explain these moments of pure fear that slipped in unnoticed
and become everything, took everything, until he was a shivering shell of himself. 
Sometimes he wondered, 
if they could see through him, 
would they think him weak? 
Would they walk away...?


These people are all make-believe, 
but the experiences are not, 
taken from articles and discussions 
and sometimes even revelations from 
real-life friends. 
These are not my stories, 
but they are someone’s truths, 
Not their weakness, 
Not their short-lived sadness
that they can just “get over” if you try hard enough to make them happy. 
(My gosh do I need to remind myself of that part sometimes...)

But that doesn’t mean you stop trying. 
Love them y’all. 
Love them so damn much that you’ll sometimes break through the cracks in their self-inflicted armor. 
Listen to them, 
Give them the chance to be 
open and honest, 
And if what they say makes you flinch, imagine what it must feel like for them. 
Do something kind that makes them smile and get ready to do it again tomorrow.
Smile and laugh with them. Cry with them.
Be genuine with your 
thoughts and feelings. 
Give them space, but check on them. 
Pull them out of the dark for just a moment, say, 
“I’m here for you when you need me. 
And I always will be.” 

Mental health issues are often invisible, 
but still feel debilitating to the one 
inside that head. 
Stay educated. 
Be understanding. 
Love the hell out of each other. 
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎💗

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Innasense

2020-09-13 09:17 pm
“Wake Up” 

Ahh, the unexpected depression 
of waking up to greet another day 
This menial mundane monstrosity 
Shaded in varieties of gray 

Sloughing through
begrudged routines,
Caged in by an endless checklist 
Punctuated only by commas. 

Collecting “cherished moments” 
On your camera roll 
To say the day was a happy one. 

Hiding behind the infernal screen, 
A spyglass to a world you don’t even want
But hold onto anyway 
with white-knuckled grip, 
Afraid that reality won’t measure up 
To this life stickered with fantasy labels 

And you wonder when the dreaming stopped, 
Probably that moment you realized you still hadn’t woken up a superhero, 
Or that unicorns don’t exist outside of fairy tales

When tomorrows bled into yesterdays 
And you looked back in wide wonder 
Questioning how you collected so many rings in your trunk 
And pondering where all the whimsy went 

Chasing shadows of what was
And what could have been, 
Gazing into the abyss of what-ifs 

Unnecessary self-induced miseries. 
A waste of numbered moments.

Time that could be spent counting freckles that bridge across tiny noses, 
And listening to the relentless chatter 
Of a little heart that has not yet been broken, 
And who still believes in the maybes. 

I see you little souls. 
For you, I awaken. 

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Innasense

2020-09-13 09:12 pm
OCDemons

An O for the things that I just can’t let go 
And maybe it’s not even the same things as last week,
But there all the same, 
Ground into my head 
As though they were the only thoughts that ever mattered
Sacred and necessary 
Though likely invisible or nonexistent
just a few days ago 
And maybe tucked 
back into the void 
In just a few more 

But I suppose it’s better than time spent 
Wondering 
What a head-on collision would be like 
Or how it might feel 
To put knife through bone 

It’s dangerous 
Inside my head sometimes 

C for the things that I just can’t not do 
Always look right when crossing a bridge 
Wear just enough purple 
Get the numbers right 
Watch the color patterns 
Check and check and check again 

I tell myself I do these things  
To clear a clouded head 
Unfortunately 
Seems to do 
The opposite instead 

D for the disorder in my head 
Brought on by 
A record on repeat all day, 
A ridiculous collection of 
unbreakable rules 
And the “honestly, 
what would REALLY happen?” 
Thoughts that make me feel insane 
The static buzz inside my brain 

So I 
Read it away. 
Write it away. 
Breathe it away. 
(Over)Think. It. Away. 
To Hell with you demons. 
Go plague someone else today. 

Oh...and see you in a little bit. 
😉😑

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crybaby

2020-08-20 11:26 am
im literally dying,
dying, dying, dying
i just wanna give up 
crying, crying, crying.

it’s cold in my room
it looks like a tomb,
it’s cold in the house
all the people are out
hiding from each other
not like those ideal lovers
we’re cold without 
a warm hearted spouse.

you’re shouting those words
i wish ive never heard
everybody is hurt
and left in the dirt.

for who is it good
and why is it useful 
that we don talk
the way we used to?

im literally dying,
dying, dying, dying
i just wanna give up 
crying, crying, crying.

but i just cant,
cuz im in tears,
i have many fears
we wont talk for years.

i wanna speed up the time
to help healing the scares.
it’s such a fucking shame, 
tomorrow’s valentine’s day
we should be having fun
but i guess it’s over now
cuz we dont love the same
oh what a shame.

it’s shit being alone
so darken your clothes
and shut up your thoughts 
it’ll be better in months 
but who really knows?
who really knows?

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crybaby

2020-08-20 11:23 am
i met you on a friday night
it was all good and fun
i was stressed and fatigue
i knew im out of your league
but well i tried

i tried and i tried and i tried
having your attention
i lied and i lied and i lied
to earn your affection

when the party was over
you said let’s grab a toaster
and then you took me over
we got in to your rover

then days and weeks came and went
but granny had a heart attack
you said depression sucked 
and you only felt love 
when you were drunk

i tried and i tried and i tried
stopping you, making you stay
i lied and i lied and i lied
to look like im okay

you are an alcoholic 
no heart but many lovers
our love was narcotic
daydreaming like it’s summer

i wish we could go back
i wish you were sober
i think that it’s so bad
that i am so so sad
while here you are over
this shit

i wish i could go back
i wish i could know that
if you loved me in that moment
when your eyes weren’t open
and the time got frozen
real quick 

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Gord

2020-06-18 02:23 am
I wrote the list upon my hand, because I was wont to forget. Memory was always a weakness, since birth I assume. I had since then learnt to cope. Would it rain? I wasn't sure, but I would be ready if it did. 

"Ready to go?" I heard a voice. I nodded, we were probably already late.

It was dark outside, raining. The blacktop shimmered with the small bit of dwindling light that escaped through the clouds. The day was early but the day already felt long, characteristic of the gloomy weather. I opened the door, however, to sunlight beaming in my front door. 

"Great! Looks like it cleared up outside!" but all I could hear was the ocean. The noise of waves tossing themselves on the shore was overwhelming, their loudness filling the air.

"Are you alright?" I snapped back into reality. I assured myself I was fine, just lost in thought as usual. I tried to make myself more comfortable by focusing on the inviting weather, although I was visibly nervous. I felt like something bad was going to happen. 

My foot stepped to the concrete, bending the leather of my shoes and causing them to crease. We walk beside one another in a peaceful silence toward the bus stop, eyes trained on the puddles of the sidewalk. My foot lifted for another step and as it comes back down to reach the water, I felt a wind rush past. I looked up, and I found myself all alone.

Once again, I felt the rain upon my face.

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