Innasense
2020-10-10 09:54 pm
Warning: this is looooooong and if you’re a sensitive individual the first parts may bother you. But hopefully the last part will inspire you. Speak your truths friends. The ones who matter will love you all the harder. #worldmentalhealthday Hidden Stories They smiled, jokingly told her she looked tired, “Must’ve partied hard last night.” Smile quietly returned, “just didn’t sleep too well I guess.” She didn’t tell them how hard it was to get out of bed this morning, How sleep never came last night, How it felt like the darkness would just swallow her whole, How she felt hollow and empty and there weren’t any tears left, just an ache deep within that wouldn’t subside. And maybe if she just squeezed her eyes shut and stayed in that bed in the blacked out void, She wouldn’t have to face another day of faked smiles and “I’m ok” lies. “Just tired today I guess.” “It’s warm today man!” “What’s with the long sleeves all the time?” “Got some crazy tattoos under there?” He smiled, laughed along with them, Self-consciously ran his hands over his wrists. Over the bandages binding his secrets. They didn’t know how close he got last night, how he almost let go, How so much blood, HIS blood swirled down the drain, mixing with his tears. He was sure no one would miss him, but he wondered if he would miss this world, And the good days out in the sun, Few and far between as they were. What would they say if he were gone tomorrow? “You should’ve come out with us last night. You would’ve had so much fun...” She nodded and made those “next time” promises, though she knew they were lies. She’d stay home again, Wrapped in the icy grips of loneliness, Which felt somehow better than her burning cheeks when the right words just wouldn’t come, or the wrong ones spilled out, and she felt their eyes on her, Panic rising, thoughts frozen Wishing she’d just stayed home, Away from the judgement, And all the wrong moves she always made “Haven’t seen you around in a while! Doing ok?” His mouth smiled, head nodded, lips formed words he’d said so often, automatic. Because, really, he thought, How could I describe that moment last night, body curled up with forehead cold against the kitchen floor, Ears covered to block out the voices, Silent screams wracking his body as the panic overwhelmed him, No breath to speak, And who could he call anyway, How would he explain these moments of pure fear that slipped in unnoticed and become everything, took everything, until he was a shivering shell of himself. Sometimes he wondered, if they could see through him, would they think him weak? Would they walk away...? These people are all make-believe, but the experiences are not, taken from articles and discussions and sometimes even revelations from real-life friends. These are not my stories, but they are someone’s truths, Not their weakness, Not their short-lived sadness that they can just “get over” if you try hard enough to make them happy. (My gosh do I need to remind myself of that part sometimes...) But that doesn’t mean you stop trying. Love them y’all. Love them so damn much that you’ll sometimes break through the cracks in their self-inflicted armor. Listen to them, Give them the chance to be open and honest, And if what they say makes you flinch, imagine what it must feel like for them. Do something kind that makes them smile and get ready to do it again tomorrow. Smile and laugh with them. Cry with them. Be genuine with your thoughts and feelings. Give them space, but check on them. Pull them out of the dark for just a moment, say, “I’m here for you when you need me. And I always will be.” Mental health issues are often invisible, but still feel debilitating to the one inside that head. Stay educated. Be understanding. Love the hell out of each other. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎💗
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Gord
2020-10-07 08:27 am
Of dying and fighting, Best saved for last, Apologizing and crying, Inside the eyelids: Kiss my ass, my lover lives. Wind, harvested by mills, Jacks, coveted by Johns, Songs built by peoples, Hymns for the seasons. Rescinded politically, Not knowing what to believe in.
Innasense
2020-10-04 11:21 pm
I miss that girl who wore the moon on a chain, The one who found happiness in solitude and rain, Who wasn’t smothered by the endless need-to-dos, But instead made simple moments her muse. I miss the girl with the honest, unforced smile, The one who could always stay for awhile, Who took endless photos of sunsets and trees, And spent time, just being, under canopies of leaves. I miss the girl always seeking out the new, The one whose blue days were ephemeral and few, Who spent her Sundays, childlike, taking trips to playgrounds, Instead of as an adult, pushing expensive mops around. I miss the girl who wore pink bandanas and braids, Whose undercurrent in life wasn’t always “afraid”, Who wasted away hours in make-believe lands, And felt no guilt with book or controller in hand. And I miss car rides with no destination, Enjoying the lilting song of a clock for pure relaxation, Not feeling enslaved by my own procrastinations, Making last minute plans, happy deviations, I miss yesterdays that happened years ago And I miss the me that I used to know
Innasense
2020-09-25 08:01 am
Throw back the covers on the incessant redundancy of another day. Putting in time for a world we no longer believe in, if ever we truly did. ...Them rose-tinted glasses were long-ago shattered... Our dedication repaid With more stolen hours Coming home with less time To spend with ourselves, Or perhaps those we purposely surround ourselves with, Than we’ll spend talking to ceiling tiles in the dark later on. Droning away the limited hours, The constant pull of a thumb , —Refreshing— Giving our ❤️s away In an opinionated match game Finger-fucking ourselves to sleep Just to say we felt alive Before succumbing to darkness With a see-you-later sayonara Whispered into black, Just like the onyx air pixels we’ll be counting later to lure heavy eyelids back into a much-too-finite slumber ...Or maybe the fluffy white bastards will do the trick Whatever helps you sleep at night... Next day, the inbox the same, Full of spam mail we unsubscribed to ages ago That somehow keeps rearing ugly heads, hydra-like with a pretty new name every time, to keep us believing in the possibility that this particular lovesick prince will be our salvation. DELETE to clear our foggy heads While trying to remember which ones are the liars. The mirage keeps on shifting. Repeat, repeat, World keeps on turning, pulling us along, A child’s toy on a string. But what if, for a moment, We turn away from from the unending axial spins, Sidestep the scythe again, seek out the sunrise... Find the beauty brave souls! Crack open that Earth-shaped geode and search out the wild world within And you know what... Go buy you a new pair of those pretty pink shades
Blake Garner
2020-09-15 10:47 am
No secrets You keep me speechless, I can not lie I hate that I love you, If you knew the damage Would you love me correctly, The hell you put me through I no longer want to be on the ride, You knew I from the start That I fall hard and fast, I try to feel ok While you play with my emotions, There's no need to explain If you think what your doing is ok, I can try to get up and feel ok again But I'm just domino in your game, Does this make you feel better Being on top in this one sided love, I wake up in terror To ask myself what am I doing here, Why do I let myself endure The torture of your love, I can not lie I love you, No more holding inside This dirty little secret I keep, I'm tired of the mistreatment I'm tired of the avoidance, You say I hurt you From a drunken fight, Its time to bring to light Your drunken words, When we met you knew I was unwell, One night amongst your drunken lips You spoke to me a terrible fate, It haunts me in my thoughts The DJ to my demons party, You spoke love sober Yet you spoke death drunk, Your tinder lips slipped I wish you would've died, You hated me for what I did You hated the fact I was broken, I set it aside for the sheer fact That I love you truly, However you still to this day Blame my mental instability, I try so hard every day I fight for my next breath.
Innasense
2020-09-13 09:17 pm
“Wake Up” Ahh, the unexpected depression of waking up to greet another day This menial mundane monstrosity Shaded in varieties of gray Sloughing through begrudged routines, Caged in by an endless checklist Punctuated only by commas. Collecting “cherished moments” On your camera roll To say the day was a happy one. Hiding behind the infernal screen, A spyglass to a world you don’t even want But hold onto anyway with white-knuckled grip, Afraid that reality won’t measure up To this life stickered with fantasy labels And you wonder when the dreaming stopped, Probably that moment you realized you still hadn’t woken up a superhero, Or that unicorns don’t exist outside of fairy tales When tomorrows bled into yesterdays And you looked back in wide wonder Questioning how you collected so many rings in your trunk And pondering where all the whimsy went Chasing shadows of what was And what could have been, Gazing into the abyss of what-ifs Unnecessary self-induced miseries. A waste of numbered moments. Time that could be spent counting freckles that bridge across tiny noses, And listening to the relentless chatter Of a little heart that has not yet been broken, And who still believes in the maybes. I see you little souls. For you, I awaken.
Blake Garner
2020-09-12 06:42 pm
You would not believe your eyes If you seen all the dark thoughts, I keep at tide inside my head If only that was true, I can no longer control these racing thought, I'm a danger to myself I've succumb to pain, I've felt numb for too long I inflict pain to just feel something, Thoughts constantly racing Never a chance to think straight, I've found a healthy affliction In the pain I inflict upon myself, I can feel it now Like cardiac arrest, The slip of the chair The tension around my neck, Ill try my best, The pull of the blade Against my wrist, I've been trying my best How much do I invest, Before its all over No longer numb, My Demons They catch me when I slip, Motor control loss Mindless acts, Just a permanent solution To a temporary feeling, Exactly how long is temporary All i want is for this living nightmare to be over, These demons consuming me alive Fighting is no longer a solution, Don't stop me now I know now noone would shed a tear, Noone would shutter a sound To stop me, Forget yesterday I dont wanna see tomorrow, Remember when you told me That I was better off dead, I knew it from the start I was never any good to anyone, You can believe it When im not here tomorrow, Today I find something great Today I find a Healthy Affliction.
crybaby
2020-08-20 11:23 am
i met you on a friday night it was all good and fun i was stressed and fatigue i knew im out of your league but well i tried i tried and i tried and i tried having your attention i lied and i lied and i lied to earn your affection when the party was over you said let’s grab a toaster and then you took me over we got in to your rover then days and weeks came and went but granny had a heart attack you said depression sucked and you only felt love when you were drunk i tried and i tried and i tried stopping you, making you stay i lied and i lied and i lied to look like im okay you are an alcoholic no heart but many lovers our love was narcotic daydreaming like it’s summer i wish we could go back i wish you were sober i think that it’s so bad that i am so so sad while here you are over this shit i wish i could go back i wish i could know that if you loved me in that moment when your eyes weren’t open and the time got frozen real quick
Gord
2020-08-17 11:55 am
Chord dissonant, World lissome, and handsome, Magnificent. Is this it? Chortle ignorant, A turn with the guns, cannons, Munificence. Fishermen old, Where is yours? A thirst of knowledge, fyords and comments. Participant bored, Answers of nonsense, Can a parrot talk, conjugate or long? What color am I? It asks with a song, Replies loathsome, Bandied to a swan. Grey says the voices, Not what you are, But of your choices, Monsieur.
Gord
2020-07-29 05:43 am
Storm the earth, Storm the sea, Arrive in myth, the people be, Not given bronze, not given sons, Living gaunt outside a lodge. Singing swans, singing songs, Zinc, gold, silver, iron, copper, In hefty sums, no bitten tongue. Dearth they arrive, murder at night, No allies, wyrms or fires to fight. Death they provide.
Gord
2020-07-09 03:52 am
Tomorrow trailing, no erasers, Maybe no stress can reach relief, Papers, their lies and keys, Power is in just eyes to see; One hand hold, one hand to reach, Narrow is escape, is this fate, Or feeling? Do arrows fly away, misguided, Awry in their aerial affairs, Fore bearer blameless in errand; For barrels makeshift of nothing, What is the price of a country?
Gord
2020-07-02 03:19 am
Pier as far as the eyes can peer, Towers tall, the flowers gone, Pensioner, is this not your fear? Who appears, speaks of appearances, When death is near and cowers all? Seer, as far as I can see, Nobody writes, nobody listens, Nobody lies but nobody stares. Nobody rights are given to liars, Who speak of bridges nobody cares. Who appears, speaks of appearances, When bridges fall to the pier? Who maintains the system? I can see names of victims, Name of my liquor, But no list of gunmen, Lenders or kinsmen. If one day they name a killer, Who appears, speaks of appearances, Circles all around the seriousness. Waits for nobodies to leave, Then steals, Who babbles incoherent?
Gord
2020-06-20 08:44 am
Sloganeering memetic, Lowly speaker of rhetoric, Teach us a world hate filled. He speaks of the sieve: 'It seeks to strain and divide, It sees two ways and aligns, Hands in bonds, eyes blind, Invest your money wisely, As do Gods on Friday.' Lies.
Gord
2020-06-11 05:50 am
The bar too low, A life in limbo. Civil man elicit, Dance too rigid. Cancer, victim, Lance too frigid. Is life another rhyme? Saved for another time, or just a bunch of lies? Head and shoulders, Knees and hipbones. But does god see soles, Planted into the beach? How does god see souls, Managed funds and stealing? While reaching into homes, to take his piece? A plastic man, made for shelves, Laughs filling his fantastic needs.
Gord
2020-05-14 08:21 am
I write of hands, God replies back, In comic sans.
Gord
2020-03-12 06:39 am
Wishing to find the guardrails of life, Leaning against as he sleeps too tightly, Dreams too deeply, too often: Nightly. Gut or balls, what does it take to fight? Is it twice as woke to never, and lie, Guarded and cross, who takes your rights? How about the lefts? Right.
Gord
2020-01-31 06:42 am
You decide policy valid, I speak my minds eye, Ballad, Badland or Ballet. Poet's poet, is the port a port? Is a court a'court? A beer is a beer everywhere in the world, The port stays the same side of the boat, Afloat a float, Giants snort and stay the same size, Slay the same flies, Lame in their reprise, And their coats too short.
Gord
2020-01-14 04:33 am
Power, in the form of a word, Flowers in the form of the world, Cowards, in the form of the word, Towers of form, of the world, Yet so far from dirt, So says the eyes: If one wrote a novel, Bible or implied shorthand, It would be in favour, Such is the land.
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