these are the golden years, the golden day, she says like the sunrise or the sunset? i say both. or neither. she says do you miss it? she says your youth, i mean. i know. i miss it. i am still young. it has been torn from my chest and weighs on my hips and i miss it. i say how was your birthday? she says better than before, i say. before what? the moment it became my birthday. were you gifted anything? she says on which birthday? i say all of them. or none. she says do you think we could preserve this moment, cast it in gold or bronze or iron? she says no. who said that? i pick up the mirror and drag it home. ten, nineteen, two thousand and one.
it’s no longer july not a cloud above the sky august breeze rips through the car window to tear at my hair the only choices i make are both feet on the gas and no hands on the wheel this is the only way i truly feel healed will these be my halcyon days? anhedonia thickens brain fog into an impenetrable haze even high beams won’t make a dent in this maize true ambivalence comes at the cost of change have any coins in your innermost pockets?
i see sunday mornings beyond my time. does sunday still exist? i see my history yawning out before me. can corpses exist on both edges? i see my mother. can grief follow a child out of the womb? time, death, and life roll the die to see which takes their turn first. west and north argue over the sun while east and south clutch each other, wailing. god's suicide passes through us concentric circles of chaos look, there is too much blood in the streets!
I am a infinite work in progress. Who I was yesterday is not who I am now is not who I will be tomorrow. However long it takes me to answer, the clock keeps ticking. The past increases, the future recedes. I'm not me, I'm a traveler. Whatever I do, wherever I go, it will pass. When whenever ends, finally I will know rest. Peace.
is a cardboard fortune cookie more reliable than the red lace of fate? which is more powerful, the man or the legend that precedes him? (or is it succeeds?) who are we to assign arbitrary hierarchies to the world? (putting ourselves on the crown) our sanctimony has carried us, and it will bury us. we do not need to be the best: simply good and kind