2020-10-10 09:54 pm
Warning: this is looooooong and if you’re a sensitive individual the first parts may bother you. But hopefully the last part will inspire you. Speak your truths friends. The ones who matter will love you all the harder. #worldmentalhealthday
They smiled, jokingly told her
she looked tired,
“Must’ve partied hard last night.”
Smile quietly returned,
“just didn’t sleep too well I guess.”
She didn’t tell them how hard it was to get out of bed this morning,
How sleep never came last night,
How it felt like the darkness would just swallow her whole,
How she felt hollow and empty
and there weren’t any tears left,
just an ache deep within
that wouldn’t subside.
And maybe if she just squeezed her eyes shut and stayed in that bed
in the blacked out void,
She wouldn’t have to face another day of faked smiles and “I’m ok” lies.
“Just tired today I guess.”
“It’s warm today man!”
“What’s with the long sleeves all the time?”
“Got some crazy tattoos under there?”
He smiled, laughed along with them,
Self-consciously ran his hands
over his wrists.
Over the bandages binding his secrets.
They didn’t know how close he got last night, how he almost let go,
How so much blood, HIS blood
swirled down the drain,
mixing with his tears.
He was sure no one would miss him, but he wondered if he would miss this world,
And the good days out in the sun,
Few and far between as they were.
What would they say if he were gone tomorrow?
“You should’ve come out with us last night. You would’ve had so much fun...”
She nodded and made those
“next time” promises,
though she knew they were lies.
She’d stay home again,
Wrapped in the icy grips of loneliness,
Which felt somehow better
than her burning cheeks
when the right words just wouldn’t come, or the wrong ones spilled out,
and she felt their eyes on her,
Panic rising, thoughts frozen
Wishing she’d just stayed home,
Away from the judgement,
And all the wrong moves she always made
“Haven’t seen you around in a while! Doing ok?”
His mouth smiled, head nodded,
lips formed words he’d said so often, automatic.
Because, really, he thought,
How could I describe
that moment last night,
body curled up with forehead cold
against the kitchen floor,
Ears covered to block out the voices,
Silent screams wracking his body as the panic overwhelmed him,
No breath to speak,
And who could he call anyway,
How would he explain these moments of pure fear that slipped in unnoticed
and become everything, took everything, until he was a shivering shell of himself.
Sometimes he wondered,
if they could see through him,
would they think him weak?
Would they walk away...?
These people are all make-believe,
but the experiences are not,
taken from articles and discussions
and sometimes even revelations from
These are not my stories,
but they are someone’s truths,
Not their weakness,
Not their short-lived sadness
that they can just “get over” if you try hard enough to make them happy.
(My gosh do I need to remind myself of that part sometimes...)
But that doesn’t mean you stop trying.
Love them y’all.
Love them so damn much that you’ll sometimes break through the cracks in their self-inflicted armor.
Listen to them,
Give them the chance to be
open and honest,
And if what they say makes you flinch, imagine what it must feel like for them.
Do something kind that makes them smile and get ready to do it again tomorrow.
Smile and laugh with them. Cry with them.
Be genuine with your
thoughts and feelings.
Give them space, but check on them.
Pull them out of the dark for just a moment, say,
“I’m here for you when you need me.
And I always will be.”
Mental health issues are often invisible,
but still feel debilitating to the one
inside that head.
Love the hell out of each other.